We burst through the paper ring, emblazoned in our school colors with a menacing image of our mascot, onto the basketball court for the season opener. The pep band is playing our fight song, the cheerleaders are revving up the crowd, and our family and friends are cheering us on. It’s game time!
I can still feel the excitement, four decades later. After months of practice, isolated in the gym for hours on end, we were finally getting the opportunity to show our stuff. To prove to ourselves and our fans that the grueling workouts, endless line drills, repetitive skills training, monotonous running of plays, and scrimmages have paid off. Let’s go!
But first, the pep talk. The locker room was buzzing with nervous energy. Some at sitting in quiet contemplation, while others slap lockers and each other. One was pacing like a lion in a case, we stayed away from him. Another was puking, we stayed far away from him. Come on coach, we’re ready! Is it time yet? Let us out of here!
Coach reminded us of the shared vision and goals we had created as a team for this new season. About all the hard work we had put in. Of all the progress we had made; the daily lessons learned and improvement shown. How each of us had grown and were important to the success of the team.
Then he went through our game plan. The overall strategy and specific tactics we would employ to give us the best chance of victory. Sometimes we’d emphasize offense, pushing the tempo. Others times defense, controlling the pace of the game. Once the strategy was to stall the entire game, only taking shots that couldn’t be missed, then playing keep away until the clock ran out. It worked. We won. Boring, but effective, thus the invention of the shot clock.
Finally he’d remind us of our individual roles, such as; Froyen, get all over them on defense, get me some steals and rebounds, pass to the guys who can actually score, and don’t shoot unless you have a lay-up. Got it Coach! We’d conclude by reciting The Lord’s Prayer for a little help from above, and a single shouted word together, “Team!”
What’s this got to do with anything? Well, I’m feeling the same anticipation for the opening of our world from our virus lockdown as I did in the locker room so many years ago. Set me free! I want to get back into the game of life on the outside world court.
This has got me thinking about what my game plan should be going forward. What is my strategy? Will I emphasize offense, defense, or stall? How about the tactics, what specifically will I do?
It has been a tough “off-season” these last couple months. So much has changed. We want things to go back to normal, but what will normal be? The only thing we can know for sure is that it won’t be what it used to be. How will it be different? I don’t know. I do know that our collective behavior will determine what the new normal is. And I have my personal hopes and dreams for what it will be.
My hope is that we have all learned what is truly important in our lives, and what is not. That we will use this knowledge to lead more intentional and impactful lives going forward. My dream is that we have a renewed sense of purpose that manifests itself in what we choose to do to provide value to each other in our quest to make the world a better and happier place.
A game plan is designed to give you the best chance of winning. What is winning? To me it is demonstrating improvement. Improvement towards what? Toward realizing my hopes and dreams. To striving to become the best I can be and to provide value to others in their quest to become the best they can be. And round and round it goes…
I decided a couple of years ago while writing the sAint Me?! book that my life strategy is to emphasize offense. I encourage you to do the same. Too many of us are playing defense or stalling. We go into a prevent defense trying to protect the lead we believe we have attained in life, or we hold the ball hoping to run out the clock. Unfortunately a prevent defense only prevents you from winning, and stalling is a boring waste of your time and talents.
My game plan therefore is to play offense through proactively striving to employ the following strategy and tactics. I call the strategy, playground rules. The tactics are daily reminders of what to do to live out the strategy and strive to win – continually improve towards achieving my hopes and dreams. Here they are for your consideration:
Strategy – Playground Rules
Tactics – Daily Reminders
I offer the above as an example of a game plan. They are obviously summary points, and I hope mostly self-explanatory. Oh, Dig Deep and Tip Jar are acronyms. You can refer to the Playground Heaven book to learn more.
So that’s my plan, what is yours?
I urge you to take some time to think about all you have experienced and learned over these past months. Who do you want to be going forward as a result? Have you discovered what it truly important to you? What are your hopes and dreams now? How will you achieve them? Do you need to do anything differently as a result? How will you ensure you don’t go back to business as usual?
So many questions. Now is the perfect time to consider them before “opening day.” Give yourself the gift of taking the time to ask and answer them. Make your own game plan. Start with your hopes and dreams. Envision your ideal future. Then go on offense by developing a winning strategy and specific tactics designed to ensure your ongoing success.
Finally, here is your pre-game pep talk. There is no sugar coating this. It has been a rough time in history. You have endured many hardships, a roller-coaster of emotions, and physical isolation over these past several months. But you have survived. Yet another life challenge overcome. Not without a struggle, but you did it. And you are no doubt stronger as a result.
Now it’s time for a new beginning. It’s time to get back out onto the field of life and do what you were born to do. To be yourself, your best and happiest self. To develop and use your talents to provide value to others. To enrich their lives through living yours to the best of your ability.
You have been preparing your entire lifetime for this moment. Now is your time to shine. You know what to do and how to do it. No one can stop you but you. Get out of your way and make it happen. Run out there and show yourself and the world what you can do. Be your best and give your best. Make the world a better and happier place. That is winning. We can make it happen. We can do it together. Team!
I look forward to seeing you out in the real world very soon:-) Scott
One of our striving saints and playground heaven friends sent me an article he had written a while back. I’ve been looking for the right moment to share it with all of you. Now seems like that time given that we are hopefully nearing the end of our quarantine journey.
Steve Dickinson is an engineer by training who, following a successful corporate career, ran his own consulting business for 24 years prior to his retirement in 2014. He is a recognized expert in organizational strategy, planning, and execution with an emphasis in customer focused process improvement.
His business objectives were to; (1) help people, (2) have fun, and (3) make enough money to continue doing 1&2. He continues to focus on the first two in retirement, and his energy and enthusiasm for doing so are unmatched in my experience.
He and his spouse Helen have traveled most of the country in their RV in addition to visiting many countries around the world. They volunteer with their church, tend to a sizable garden, and enjoy outdoor activities including kayaking, biking, and fishing when they are at their home in Florida.
I could go on about his many accomplishments, talents, and interests, but without further ado, take it away Steve…
It’s the Journey. Authored by Steve Dickinson
Have you ever known something but not know it? Like deep down you knew, but you weren’t aware of it? As I read Scott Froyen’s book Playground Heaven, I had a sudden realization. I wrote about it to capture my thoughts and to share it with you. Here goes….
All throughout our lives we are faced with what I will call “Ends.” By Ends, I mean that almost all of our activities have some sort of an End, often with an objective attached. Some objectives are serious, like deadlines for projects at work. Others are assumed, like getting to our destination when we travel.
Recently my wife Helen and I took a trip to Charlotte, North Carolina to see “The Real Christmas Story” at one of our favorite theaters, Narroway Productions. It’s about an 8-hour drive from our home. Normally we would load up our luggage and take off early in the morning to be sure we got there in time, to reach our End in one long day. With the End mindset, the key to planning is to focus on the destination.
While this has made sense to me for 30 years or so, I think there is something missing. Don’t get me wrong, it is important to know what the End will be when doing something important, such as an important project, or traveling to a specific city for a specific reason.
So, what is missing? The Journey, how we get to the End. At times, the Journey can be much more important to achieving the Halo High, as described by Scott in his book, than the End itself. Let me first define the term Journey.
The Journey is all the activities that take place between the start of an event and the End. This includes choosing the event, the planning, the travel itself, the activities, places, and any other things that take place between the start and the End. If it happened after the start and before the End, it happened during the Journey.
Allow me to give you a few real-life examples.
Take our trip to Charlotte. In the past we had made it a one-day trip. This time we decided to take an extra day and spend a night in Savannah, Georgia on the way. We have been to Savannah several times, but each of those times it was an End. This time it was part of the Journey.
On departure day, instead of having to get up early and rush out the door for an 8-hour drive, we slept in, leisurely packed and headed out for our brief 4-hour road trip. We got into Savannah in the early afternoon, well rested and ready to enjoy the city.
We stayed downtown on the waterfront where we could walk to wherever we wanted to go. We did a little shopping, walked to dinner, sat on a bench by the river, watched the freighters go by, and simply enjoyed the evening. In the morning we had a nice breakfast at a French Café, leisurely packed up, and drove the remaining 4 hours to Charlotte.
My intent here is not to fully describe the trip to Savannah, but instead to make the point that hit me like a ton of bricks while reading Scott’s book. In this case the Journey ended up being just as fun, or maybe even more fun, than the End we had planned. As we think back on the trip, what we talk about most is the stop on the Journey, not the End.
Another example. During my consulting years a typical week was getting on a plane Sunday afternoon, working long weekdays, flying back home on Friday, and spending Saturday planning for the next trip. Then back to the airport again … a seemingly endless journey that lasted decades. Then about 13 years ago we bought a camper, an RV. We began using the RV as a home when I had jobs that would keep me in one place for a while.
In one memorable RV business trip we drove from Florida to Phoenix, Arizona, almost exactly 2000 miles away. I worked for two weeks, coming “home” every night to Helen, and her fabulous home cooked meals! Then we took two weeks off to tour southern Arizona, visiting a few state parks and spending almost a week in Tucson. And then back to Phoenix for two more consulting weeks prior to heading home. It was a great Journey. I don’t remember much about the work, but we sure remember the Journey.
Ever since I began planning our summer RV trips for the Journey instead of the End, they have been much more relaxing, enjoyable, and memorable. We take time to explore the local towns and sights, and by doing so we have discovered things we did not know existed, such as South Dakota’s Corn Palace. We found it by accident, by exploring on our Journey to our End destination. It’s worth a look on the net, and a visit if you can.
You may be saying, “But I don’t travel like that, how does this apply to me?” I remember that as a child, mowing the yard was an End I was tasked with accomplishing. I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time, but to make the Journey fun I made a game out of it, mowing little squares, comparing how long it took for each, and assessing the degree of difficulty each required.
How about walking to school? Yes we walked to school, no not uphill both ways, but we made all kinds of games up to pass the time, to enjoy the Journey. We’d take different routes, throw buckeyes (I’m from Ohio) at each other, and race to see who could get to a spot first. We even stopped one day and damned up the local creek, got home in solid mud, and thus our name was mud! But it was fun, we were on a Halo High. I remember these Journeys vividly to this day, some 60 years later.
Last and most important story. Three days ago my father passed away. It fell upon me to help my sister reconcile his estate. Not an easy task. In this grieving process, it finally dawned on me that his life was over. The “End” had come for him. There will be no more activities for him to participate in, at least not on this earth. That got me thinking.
Now at the “End” and looking back, what really matters, what is it that the family sits and talks about? What was it that we talked with him about as he awaited the eventual “End”? Did we talk about goals? Did we talk about milestones? Did we talk about wealth? No, we talked about the Journey. The Journey we had lived together as a family. We talked about the good times, the things he had taught us, the things we used to do that we would miss dearly.
In closing, let me ask you a few Journey enjoyment related questions:
There are Endless examples of the need to enjoy the Journey and not just the End. Give Journey thinking a try, you will like it. You just might find your Halo High along the way.
I am writing this on Easter 2020, stuck at home, no church or family gathering. So strange! I find myself on an emotional tilt-a-whirl going from the joy of salvation, to worry for all those suffering directly or indirectly from the pandemic, to fear of the unknown, and finally to hope that a bright future is just around the corner.
I view Easter as the beginning of my spiritual new year. My resolution is always the same – to work to be a better person than I was the year before. As you know, my calendar year resolution is to be a happier person. Taken together, 2020 will be my happiest and betterest year. Sounds nice!
As mentioned last week, I believe people tend to be better when they are happy, and happy when they are better. And we are all better and happier when we are striving to be and to give our best for the benefit of others. Or as I think of it, when we are striving to become the saints we are all meant to be.
Saints are fearless. They do the right thing no matter what. They are not afraid. They take the bible message that is said to appear 365 times, once for each day of the year, to heart: Fear Not. Maybe since this is a leap year it is okay to be afraid for one day? No doubt we already have been.
The definition of fearless is lacking fear. Is that possible? To have no fear? I think not. Fear is a built-in defense mechanism designed to keep us safe. But we can all certainly fear-less. That is what saints do. They are not without fear, they just fear-less than the rest of us. And they are willing to face and overcome those things they do fear.
I’m no saint but I do have an app to deal with my fears. No, you can’t download it to your digital device. App is an acronym for the three steps you can use to become fear-less.
First let’s review the app that seems to be most in use these days: Avoidance, Paralysis, and Panic. Avoid facing your fears, become paralyzed, unable to act when forced to face a fear, and therefore panic when it rears its ugly head. Sound familiar? There will never be a pandemic that affects me. Oh no … what to do? Buy toilet paper!
Here’s a better app to help you become fear-less. Acknowledge, Prepare, and Prevail. Here’s how it works.
Step 1 – Acknowledge Your Fears
What do you fear? Make a list. Some of our common fears are death, illness, social phobias like being judged, not being accepted by others, being alone, being in crowds, and speaking in public. The thought of running out of money is scary. Many also have a fear of heights, small spaces, flying, darkness and a variety of creepy crawlies … especially in the dark … ugh!
Make your list. Be honest and comprehensive.
Step 2 – Prepare to Overcome Your Fears
All fears are future focused. You may not ever have to face any of them. But just in case you do, you should have a plan to overcome them. As the saying goes, failing to plan is planning to fail.
For each item on your list, determine two things; (1) what can you do to mitigate the possibility that you will ever have to encounter your fear, and (2) what will you do when you are forced to come face-to-face with your fear.
Let’s use this pandemic as an example. It has invoked the fears of illness, death, job and financial loss, and prolonged isolation to name a few. So what could we have done to mitigate the possibility of encountering these fears? How about:
If forced to have a close encounter with your fear, do the following:
Step 3 – Prevail
This step actually takes care of itself once you have identified your fear and developed plans to overcome them. You simply work the plan in order to prevail. Take the actions required to achieve the desired outcomes of your plan. Be disciplined and consistent in carrying out your plans.
The Hidden Advantage of Fear
Now that you have an app to overcome your fears, let’s learn how to use fear to our advantage.
The thing I fear more than this virus is people’s desire to “get back to normal.” In my opinion, the old normal is not good. We are too busy doing things that don’t matter at the expense of those things that do. I believe this time of self-isolation, surrounded by only those closest to us was given to us for a reason.
Now is the time to define our new normal. A time to contemplate what we should be doing with our lives, how we can be better and happier people, what we can do to help others do the same.
I use fear to help me do that. Mainly a fear of regret. I think way into the future, to my 100-year-old self. I don’t want to look back with regrets. So I identify potential regrets now in order to take the actions necessary to avoid them from ever becoming reality.
Here is what I fear. I fear us as a people continuing down a path in these United States of America where:
This list goes on and it all just got worse. This can’t go on. We are in big trouble. Who can save us? Us! It starts with each of us individually working to become our best. Then it takes us working together to solve the significant problems we face.
Each of us have tremendous talents. Our individual talents tend to complement each another. If we are all striving to be our best and to give our best for the good of others, then by working together I have confidence we can solve all of our problems over time. Let’s get started!
Here’s my biggest fear, that I don’t do my part. That I give up. That I choose to live out my life in my own little comfortable world and not help those in desperate need.
I’m guessing that many of you are like me. You are doing well and not significantly impacted by current events. You have taken care of yourself and planned for a bright future. Nice work and congratulations! The world needs people like you now more than ever to help others to achieve your same level of comfort.
What can we do? I’ll say it again, actively strive to become the saints the world is in desperate need of. Be fear-less. Get out there and do what you can. Don’t live with the regret of knowing you could have done more for your fellow man.
Here’s you challenge for the week. Apply the fear-less app to overcome one of your fears. And for bonus points, decide who you will be when things get back to “normal.” I hope you will decide to become a striving saint. More on that next week.
Be Fear-less My Friends! Scott
How are you doing in having your happiest year ever? Seems we might have picked the wrong year to make this resolution. Or maybe it was the best if you like a challenge. I sure do.
Each week I let a topic come to me. It appears out of nowhere, usually with a catchy title. This time it happened walking by a television which was tuned to a channel that plays old 1960-70’s era shows. Batman was on and Robin exclaimed, Holy Pianola! An evil piano player played by Liberace was feeding the dynamic duo into a machine that punched out the cards (pianolas) for player pianos.
Anyway, since this is Holy Week for us Christians I figured that is what I was supposed to write about. Makes sense in terms of our happiness theme. This week should be our happiest of times. We are saved from our sins and given the hope of eternal life. Plus the Easter Bunny brings us candy. What could possibly be a happier time?! Gee, I hope the bunny is not quarantined!
The term “Holy…!” followed by a descriptor is a common expression of surprise. It was Robin’s catchphrase. He used it in 359 different ways over the 120 episode run of the Batman television series. The last one was, “Holy astringent plum-like fruit!” The show was cancelled following that one, go figure.
Anyway, while I am not surprised that we have arrived at Holy Week, I am amazed at the state of the world. We are in isolation, quarantine, lock-down. The churches will be empty on Easter Sunday, always the most attended church service of the year. Unbelievable!
This week has always been a time of reflection and renewal for me. It’s my religious new year celebration. A time to look back on how I’ve done and to resolve to do better going forward. A time to remember what is important in life, and what is not. Being in isolation, away from the usual distractions of life makes this a perfect time for us all to take a little time for introspection.
I refrain from doing this often, but this week I feel compelled to write about the topic of God. I will give you my personal thoughts in hopes of encouraging you to give some thought to your own views. Whether you a believer or not, and no matter your religious affiliation, I think it does us all good to contemplate the subject in some depth occasionally. Right now seems to be a pertinent time to do just that.
Since my friends are a mix of faiths ranging from none to evangelical, I’ve had some very interesting and entertaining conversations since publishing my first book, sAint Me?! Some thought is contained too much God, some too little, and many others to my surprise thought it was just the right mix.
I use the word saint with a lower-case “s” to denote a person who is striving to be their best in this world for the benefit of others. The “A” is capitalized to indicate that I do not claim to be one of those people, thus an Aint. Question mark, could I and should I strive to be a saint? Exclamation point, yes I should! Cute, huh?
The premise is that if we were all striving to be saints, to be our best and to give our best, this world would be a much better place to live. The book helps you build your personal plan to do just that.
Since its publication, I’ve had the opportunity to answer a number of very common God questions such as, why do you believe, what do you believe, and what are you doing about it?
I’ll share my answers in summary form here. Again, my hope is that they will get you thinking about your own personal beliefs. I’ll do them in summary form to spare you the long monologue that typically accompanies them. You’re welcome and here goes:-)
Why do you believe?
Here’s my logic on that last point:
Oh, I forgot the other growing category, agnostics: a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.
I’m reminded of a famous saying, “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” Please pick a side my agnostic friends. My advice, go with the low risk and high potential reward option, believe. What do you have to lose?
What do you believe?
Follow-up question. If God is so great, why does he allow suffering. My short answer is, He doesn’t, we do. Through the exercise of our free will we have created all the problems in the world through our collective bad behavior. But good news, we can solve them all by working together in the way He intended. There is still time.
But why do bad things happen to good people? I don’t know. To test our faith? To make the rest of us grateful? To get the rest of us to help? I have to assume there is a plan that is beyond my comprehension.
This life is short, eternity is forever. Hopefully those who have suffered through no fault of their own will all enjoy the kingdom of heaven for an eternity.
Does God ever intervene to make things better or worse to suit His plan? I don’t know. Maybe often but we don’t realize it? Maybe never. It has got to be hard for Him to watch what is going on. Like parents letting their kids learn everything the hard way. Maybe He only gets involved when we ask or when it is absolutely necessary for our continued existence. It would be nice to know for sure.
Maybe it’s best to assume He never gets involved. That leaves it all up to us to do the best we can. He already told us what to do through the greatest commandments, to love Him and Neighbors (everyone). Everything will work out for the best if we do.
What is the best way to show our love for God? I think it is to develop and use your God given talents to help others, and to behave morally. That is the best way to show our love for neighbors too.
Intellectually seems so easy. By striving to be my best and share my best with others, I am demonstrating my love for God and neighbors. I will also be doing my small part to make this world a better place, and giving myself a chance to live for eternity in heaven. Simple. So…
What are you doing about it?
I’m striving to be a better and happier person. Interestingly I’ve found that when I’m better, I’m happier. And when I’m happier, I’m better. Better and happier seem to compliment and build upon each other.
How about you? What do you believe and what are you doing about it? Please do yourself a favor and take some time during this Holy Week to examine your beliefs and think about what comes next. Easter is a great time for us all to let those parts of us that are less than helpful die, and to resurrect that better and happier you that exists within.
Personally I am rededicating myself to striving to be the earthly saint I believe we are all capable of becoming. I urge you join me.
Next week I will write about what specifically we can do. Working together we can emerge from this temporary crisis as a better and happier people. Lord knows we are going to need all the striving saints we can find to help those in need recover from this mess we are in. Let’s be those people!
In the meantime, have a Healthy and Happy Easter everyone! Scott
A childhood friend of mine once called me a “jack of all trades and master of none.” I said, thank you. He said it wasn’t a compliment. I wish I had known the term renaissance man (a person of many talents and areas of knowledge) at the time. I could have come back with that as a defense. But at the time I had no reply. Guy stuff, he won that round.
As it turns out, he was right on. Nothing is more exciting to me that learning new skills. But once I have, I get bored and am ready to move on to something else. Therefore, I never master any of them. Wait, except for maybe one … learning new skills quickly.
In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell suggests that it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to become world-class in any field. Working 40 hour weeks, that is close to 5 years of dedication to a particular field of study, or 20 hours a week for ten years if you are in no hurry. I’ll bet I’ve done 5 hours a week for 40 years of learning new skills, that math works too.
Anyway, I am always at my happiest when I have learned and am able to demonstrate a new skill. There is just nothing like the feeling of accepting and successfully completing a difficult challenge. Proving to yourself that you can do something that you had your doubts about will make you happy too.
In fact, whenever I am feeling a little down I choose to learn a new fun, interesting, and challenging skill. It takes my mind off of whatever is troubling me, and serves to restore my confidence that I can overcome any obstacle. It will work for you too.
I actually believe that the ability to learn new things quickly is an essential life skill. It helps you to build your courage to try new things, your confidence as you experience success, and your ability to become your best and share your best with others in order to make the world a better place.
So without further ado, I hereby challenge you to learn a new skill … this week. I’ll give you my simple formula for success below. Oh, and good news, it will only take you one hour a day or less. Can you spare 7 hours this week to learn a new skill that you can use for a lifetime? Yes you can:-)
I’ll give you the basics below, four simple steps. It occurred to me during this writing that I have enough information on this topic to create another book. But then I thought, why not learn how to do something you haven’t done before? So I have decided to develop a comprehensive on-line course instead. I’ll let you know when it’s available and provide it to you free of charge for being such dedicated readers. Thank you for that by the way:-)
Okay, here we go. You can do it!
Step 1 – Know Your What, Why, and Goal
Decide what skill you want to acquire, why you want it, and specifically what you will be able to do in order to declare success.
For purposes of this challenge I’m going to give you your why: To provide a fun distraction during this strange time in history. As long as so many of us are self-isolating to avoid the virus, we might as well put the extra time to good use.
The what you are going to learn is up to you. I suggest it be something that you have wanted to do for a long time, but that you never felt you had the time for. Something that you might not think is important, but you know would be fun to know how to do.
Choose something that will amaze your family and friends. Something that you have seen others do and thought, “wow, that’s cool, I wish I could do that.” Like juggling, twirling a pen, or a fancy dance step like the moon walk. Or maybe you already play an instrument and you want to learn a new song. Or enhance your skills with a ball or racket. Learn a card trick or fancy shuffling. Choose something you know will make you smile when you succeed:-)
Take a few moments to brainstorm a list of skills you would like to have. Now choose one that you think is possible to learn in a week. It should be challenging but not impossible. And you should be able to do it on your own and have ready access to the equipment and supplies required.
Now set a specific goal. Define what you will call success. Like, I will spin a basketball on my finger for 10 seconds, or juggle three balls twice through the rotation without a drop. Make your goal a double D, difficult but doable.
Moving on … steps 2, 3, and 4 all start with the letter P to make them easy to remember: Probe, Practice, and Play. Taken together I call them the Tricycle system since there are three steps which are designed to be cycled through as needed until you successfully accomplish your goal. Plus, anyone can learn to ride a tricycle quickly, as can anyone learn a new skill fast.
If you have the Playground Heaven book you can read more about the system in Chapter 15.
Step 2 – Probe
Start with an internet search of “how to fill-in the blank with your desired skill.” Take a Goldilocks “just right” approach to this step. Learn enough to understand the basics, but not so much that you become overwhelmed. Learn to the point of feeling, “I can do this” and stop before you get to, “Wow, this is way harder than I thought it would be.”
I suggest browsing first and then honing in on a few articles and videos that you can easily relate to. Make sure they break down the skill into its basic steps. There are usually a few key steps to being able to acquire a skill. Knowing those critical few will accelerate your ability to succeed.
Personally, I go to YouTube first. I am so thankful for all the people that take the time to share their skills and know-how with the world. I learn the fastest by listening to advice and seeing a demonstration of the skill from others who have already succeeded. If I need more detail I then move on to reading articles or books.
Step 3 – Practice
Practice makes perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. Practice makes progress. Common locker room signs. I like the last one best for our purposes. We are not going for perfect. Our goal is progress, gradual improvement, getting better every day until we achieve our goal.
First, make a plan. What are you going to practice? When? Where? How, and for how long? And Goldilocks again, not too little or too much. I prefer brief and frequent practices to long extended sessions. My advice, do whatever you are in the mood for at the time.
Next, make it easy and convenient to practice. Whatever skill you have chosen to learn probably requires a physical object of some sort. Place that object in a place where you will see it often. Move it around with you. Always have it nearby.
I recently learned how to spin a basketball. I made sure the ball was always close at hand. Whenever I had a moment with nothing better to do, I would give it a try. Little by little I made progress. Then as I got closer to the goal, my practice time increased.
Do what works for you. Just make sure you are consistently practicing and making progress. If you need more instruction, go back to probe for a while. You may need other sources of information based on your practice experience.
Bottom-line, get started. Take it slow, step-by-step. Be prepared to fail. Every failure is one step closer to success. Be patient. Repetition is key. Keep tying. Push through frustration. Take breaks and come back later to surprising new abilities. And never ever give up.
Step 4 – Play
When you are feeling ready, demonstrate your new skill to someone else. Play to an audience. Even if you have not yet completely reached your goal. Share you progress with others.
Knowing that you will eventually have an audience helps with your practice motivation. You don’t want to hoard your talent like your toilet paper, do you? Of course not, you want to share it with the world.
Here’s another good play option if you are not feeling ready for a live audience; video record yourself attempting your new skill. It is so easy nowadays with our fancy phones. Viewing a recording is a great way to get a reality check of where you are with your new skill development. You will likely recognize ways in which you can improve quickly.
Finally, go back to probe and practice as needed until you are ready for prime-time. When the time is right, record yourself again and share it on social media. Challenge others to learn something new as well. You can share this article to help them out if you’d like.
Okay, go! Have fun, and share your new skill with the Playground Heaven Living Facebook Group when you’re ready. If you aren’t already a member of the group, please join us. All you have to do is request to join here.
Live Happy, Scott
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. These are the 5 stages that dying and grieving people go through. They were first identified in the 1969 book, On Death and Dying authored by Elisabeth Kübler Ross.
I first read this book when I was about 14 years old. I was not an avid reader at the time, but I saw it on a bookshelf one day and felt a strong call to read it, without anyone telling me to or making me … very unusual.
It was so interesting that I remember reading it in one sitting. I found it fascinating and could see its application to situations other than dying. Turns out that what I learned through it has been extremely useful throughout my life. Most of what I have done has involved leading or participating in some type of change. Guess what stages people go through during any change? Yep, the same ones.
And guess what stages we are all going through right now? In fact, do a quick reality check on yourself. Which stage are you in primarily going through currently? Of course currently I’m referring to the COVID-19 situation. But if you happen to be reading this years from now there is likely some other event or condition you are dealing with. Death, grief, and change are omnipresent.
Understanding these stages helps me to remember that what I am going through during tough times is both normal and necessary. Normal because everyone goes through them in some way, and necessary in order to eventually be able to move forward. Without experiencing the stages in some form, we risk getting stuck, maybe for a very long time.
In doing a little research about the stages to make sure I was providing you good information, I discovered that there are two follow-up books to the original: On Grief and Grieving and Finding Meaning. The first was co-authored with David Kessler, and the second by him alone. I haven’t read either, but thought I’d make you aware in case you’re interested.
In case you are unfamiliar with the stages, let’s review them briefly. Then we will move on to what I think is the most important stage to our ongoing happiness, the sixth one that was added in the last book, Meaning. Here goes.
Oh, but first it is important to note that you won’t necessarily go through theses stages in order, I find them to be random and reoccurring. And annoying in that you might think you are finally done with one, only to see it come back out of nowhere to bite you again later. Remember, normal and necessary.
Last preparatory point, these are my personal interpretations of the stages drawn from my experience. I encourage you to read the book yourself if you want further details.
Denial – This can’t and shouldn’t be happening. I refuse to acknowledge its existence. I’ll cover my ears and shut my eyes. Maybe it will go away. Avoidance is my friend.
Anger – Okay fine, this is really happening. But I don’t like it! I know that patience is the virtue to be used in times like these, but I have no patience for that. It’s okay to be angry at a situation and express your frustration. Just don’t break anything or hurt anyone, like yourself.
Bargaining – Hey God, if you fix this I promise to be a better person. I wonder about what could I have done differently to have avoided this situation in the first place? Too late, it doesn’t matter, quit thinking about it or you’ll drive yourself crazy.
Depression – This is awful. How am I going to get through this? Can I? How long will it take? What will life be like afterwards? Is it even worth it? Yes, it is! Start with gratitude for all the good in your life.
Acceptance – I still don’t like it, but I acknowledge that it is what it is. I’ll do what I can to adapt to the new normal. It will take time, but I know I can do it.
Do you recognize yourself in any of these stages currently? Can you see that you have moved successfully through a couple of them already? Have you gone through a few of them more than once?
Just for fun I wrote the stages on a sheet of paper in a circular fashion. I thought about my journey over the last couple of weeks and drew lines between them in the order I recalled experiencing them. In the end it looked like a pentagram, you know, a circle with a star in the middle. Interesting. Try it.
Personally, I’m tired of bouncing around them and hereby choose to escape and move to Finding Meaning.
Have you ever made a mess, like having a party when your parents were gone and not getting it cleaned up before they got home? Of course not. But if you had, what would they have said? Something along the lines of, “What is the meaning of this?!!! Clean this up, think about what you’ve done, and we’ll talk about it later!”
If in the very unlikely case that this ever happened to you, what would you have been thinking as you cleaned up? Excuses? No, they never work. Reasons? There are no good ones. Explanations? Nope.
How about simply saying you’re sorry and it won’t ever happen again? Good start. Probably better tell them what you have learned and what you will do differently going forward to ensure it never happens again. Yes, great idea, hopefully that will lessen the punishment.
What does this have to do with our current situation? Well I could be wrong, but I believe we all have at least a little mess in our lives. Something that isn’t quite right. Something that we could clean up. And there is probably some meaning in our mess.
I choose to believe the meaning of this virtual shutdown of our normal life is to give us a little time to clean up. To remind us of our mortality. To cause us to slow down and recharge. To reflect, reassess, and refresh. To determine what is important going forward. To redefine our priorities and adjust our routines.
Think of it this way. My phone had been slowing down and quickly draining its battery recently, it was a mess. To fix it I removed a bunch of apps, updated the software, turned it off, gave it a rest, and restarted it. Problem solved. We can go through a similar process to fix any messes we might have in our lives right now.
Actually, times like these often lead to complete life transformations. We suddenly realize through a tragedy or near death experience that there is more to life. We are determined to make the most of our remaining time. We live life with a new attitude of gratitude and appreciation. We live a life of meaning, purpose, and happiness. Maybe this is that time for us.
I know we are all looking forward to life getting back to normal, but should we be? How about instead we define a new normal for ourselves before that happens. Take some time to ask and answer these questions for yourself this week:
I challenged my playground heaven living Facebook friends to learn a new skill this week. I’m learning to spin a basketball on my finger. I’ll prove success soon through my first ever short video. Back to practice.
Stay Safe and Well My Friends! Scott
Are you having trouble maintaining your happy with a new virus in the air? I have never seen this level of universal panic. When there is no toilet paper on the selves, there is obviously a crisis underway.
At the beginning of this writing I still wondered if this was truly going to be the crisis we were being told it would become. Many experts were writing on both sides of that debate. Then I realized the question is moot. Our collective actions at this point have produced a crisis, real or not.
Schools and businesses are shut down. Shelves are empty. Major events have been cancelled. People are afraid to come into contact with one another. The financial markets have taken a nose dive. We have all been negatively impacted in some way at this point. And we are told that it will become worse before it gets better, so it will.
So how can we maintain our desired happiness level at such a troubling time? I have a three-step process that works for me, it will for you too. But first, here’s a brief semi-embarrassing personal story to provide context for the solution.
I had a close encounter with panic many years ago, technically it was an attack. According to the Mayo Clinic, “A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause.” Yep, that’s what I had.
We were in the process of moving back to Iowa from Florida. It was a sudden unplanned move due to a job opportunity. I packed a few essentials, flew to Iowa to live in a small apartment, and Melanie stayed back to sell the house and make arrangements for our move which officially happened about six months later.
We made trips to see each other every couple of weeks. Then out of nowhere, for no reason, sitting on a plane waiting to take off, I had my panic attack. I could hardly breathe. I felt I had to get out of that plane immediately. I was scared and on the verge of causing a disturbance.
Just before I did, a scene from the movie “Airplane!” entered my mind. A woman is freaking out and a stewardess shakes her and screams, “Get ahold of yourself!” Passengers are lined up behind her with weapons, waiting their turn to make her clam down. It made me laugh and I sure didn’t want that to happen to me.
Thankfully the panic then passed quickly. I reasoned that it was caused by separation anxiety. Yes, I am an amateur psychologist. But the thing is, once you have experienced an attack, you are naturally afraid that it will happen again.
I now had a big challenge to face. We were scheduled to fly to New Zealand soon after my incident. Although I tried to put it out of my mind, I couldn’t shake the feeling that another attack was coming on that 14-hour plane flight. Not good!
Over the next couple of weeks I rationalized that my attack was a one-time thing. It had never happened before and would likely never happen again. There was really nothing to fear. It’s just a plane ride. I’ve done this at least a hundred times. Plus, Melanie and I would be together so no more need for the anxiety. Still I was concerned and wished I could cancel the trip. But we needed a vacation, so instead I developed my avoid-a-panic strategy.
First I reminded myself about how ridiculous my fear was. Then I practiced visualizing being on that plane and remaining calm. Finally I thought about the opportunities awaiting us on the other side of the flight. I focused on how much fun we would have on this vacation.
We boarded the plane and I was feeling good … until we got to our seats. For some reason I had assumed international flights of this length would have a larger seating area … wrong! Our seats were located next to a handicapped woman who was already sitting in the aisle seat. She couldn’t move without significant assistance.
We reminded ourselves that someone always has it worse as we crawled over her to get into our middle and window seats. We were trapped for the next 14 hours. Please get this thing in the air and step on it!
Thankfully my preparation had worked and all was well. It was rough, but we made it. We had a great vacation, my anxiety was completely gone and has never returned. But that experience taught me some valuable lessons.
I know first-hand that, (1) panic is scary even when there is no apparent reason for it, (2) we can avoid and overcome our fears with proper preparation, and (3) there is happiness on the other side of our fears. Let’s get happy again right now.
Here’s your guide to happiness during this or any other panic inducing situation. Take these three steps to maintain your happy and to help others do the same.
Step 1 – Get Real – See the situation for what it really is. Take the emotion out of it and be logical and rational. In the case of this virus, we have an illness that is spread through contact with an infected person or something they have been in contact with. If you think about it, this is always the situation, every day of our lives. Cold and flu viruses are always lurking about, this is just a new strain. Do we really need to panic? No. Stay calm and carry on with the next step.
Step 2 – Back to Basics – Focus on continually striving to be and to do your best for the benefit of others. Behaving virtuously is especially important in a time of crisis, especially demonstrating charity, kindness, and patience. Basically, we should put more emphasis on doing the things we should have been doing all along. In the case of this virus that means doing the same things we should always do to avoid the spread of disease:
Step 3 – Find the Good – What good can you see coming from this situation? What can you do to make it better right now? How can you find enjoyment in this new altered state of life? Then look past the crisis. Envision a better future. Find something to look forward to.
I can see many positives coming from this situation. Like maybe we will all finally develop healthy hygiene habits that we will use consistently. Every couple of years we all have to be reminded about the basics in step 2. Why are we so slow to learn? Hopefully we will this time, once and for all.
How about this, instead of rushing to get prepared for a crisis, we plan ahead and are always ready. Check out this site for help https://www.ready.gov/ At a minimum, maintain the supplies you just stocked up on.
Here’s some good news, you will probably have more free time on your hands for the next month or so. You won’t have to be running around town taking kids to school and events. You might also be working from home saving your commuting time. Think about what can you do with the gift of that extra time.
What are things you’ve been wanting to do but never have the time for? What can you do at home with your family. See this extra time as a stay-cation. Do things together. Go outside and play. Make puzzles. Play board games. Go on hikes. Visit parks and playgrounds. Watch something funny. Learn something new. Read a book.
Remember to keep in touch with your friends and neighbors. They may need some help that you can safely provide. Maybe you can even share your toilet paper supply. What an act of kindness and charity that would be:-)
One last bit of advice for you believers. Place your faith in God. Know that things will turn out for the best, whatever the best is. It may not be what we want, but it will be what we need. These hard times are meant to make us stronger and to put us on a better path going forward. We will survive and thrive.
Here’s your challenge for the week. Find one way to be happier in this time of panic and share it with the Playground Heaven Living Facebook Group.
One final note. Thank you in advance to all of you who work in and around the health care system. No doubt you will be called upon to work long hours, with few breaks, in a stressful environment, while putting your own health at risk over the next weeks and months. Please know that you are highly appreciated for what you do and for the courage you continually exhibit!
Be Safe, Well, and Happy my Friends! Scott
Our dog, Roxi stayed at a lodge last week while we were traveling. I think they used to call these pet boarding places, kennels. That was back in the day when they were basically a bunch of cages. Now they are like mini hotel rooms with comfortable beds, toys, background music, televisions, and views of the great outdoors. She stays in what they call a cabin, how nice.
She always seems to be in good spirits when we pick her up. She is so excited when we get home. She runs all over the yard and then explores all throughout the house as her way of celebrating her new-found freedom. She is so happy! I don’t know if dogs can actually smile, but she sure seems to be.
She especially loves going to the park following a kennel stay. We take her during a time we know others won’t be present so we can let her roam free. She runs all over the grounds looking for varmints to chase. She is a Scottish terrier and that is what they were bred for, ridding castles of rodents. She didn’t need to be taught how to do what she does, she just does it. And she is smiling again.
Watching her makes me smile too. It reminds me of the most important thing we humans can do to be happy. It should be the easiest, but seems to be the most difficult. We must figure it out for ourselves. No one else can help us. In fact, the more others try to help, the harder it is to make it happen. What is this key happiness component? Being your true self.
What does that mean? Who else could we be? How can we be anyone but ourselves? There is only one us, right?
Well, if you were a dog it would be that simple. As a dog you were bred to be something in particular, that is your true self. You don’t have to be taught what to do, you just do it. As long as you are free to do that thing, you are a happy dog.
Unfortunately for us humans, we do not innately know what our thing is. Or maybe we do, but we are so heavily influenced by others that we don’t recognize what it is. Or it could be that we have so many choices about what to do that we get confused. I’m not sure, I just know that finding our true self is a difficult task that often lasts a lifetime.
What I do know is that we all have natural talents that can’t be explained. There are also things that inherently peak our interest. And when we do things that use our talents and that we find interesting, we are happy. Maybe we are each “bred” for something specific.
I actually do think we each have a special purpose in life, something that we are uniquely qualified to do. I also believe that when we do our thing, it will provide value to other people in some way.
Further, I believe that collectively our things fit together in a way that could make the world the place I think it was intended to be … heaven. Yeah, I’m a dreamer, an idealist. Sounds nice though, doesn’t it.
If only we could live a dog’s life. What if we innately knew what our thing was? Then we could spend our time becoming the best we could possibly be at doing that thing. We could ignore everything else, in fact we would want to. All we would want to do are the things that help us become better at what we are supposed to be doing to make the world a better place. Wouldn’t you be unceasingly happy if that was how you were spending your time every day?
The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that we do all have a specific purpose, a calling. It is calling from within us, telling us what to do, and what not to do. We are happier when we listen and do what we are being told.
Think about it. How do you feel when you are doing something that (1) is in line with your talents, (2) you find interesting, and that (3) benefits others in some way? Now contrast that feeling with times when one of those three components is missing. They are very different feelings, aren’t they?
When you are being your true self, that person you are meant to be, you are happy. The further you stray from yourself, the less happy you become.
Test this theory for yourself. Gauge your level of happiness at any time and examine what you have been doing to generate that feeling. I’ll bet you are happier when you are doing things that are in line with your talents, interests, and the needs of others. We are happiest when we are doing something we enjoy and that others appreciate. That brings meaning and fulfillment into our lives.
It is so logical, so simple. Why then is this not the way of the world, everyone doing their thing and living happily ever after? Do we know what we should do, but resist it? Does it seem too hard so fear creeps in? Are we peer-pressured away from doing our thing and being ourselves? Is our one size fits all educational system not geared toward helping us find our true self and our purpose in life? My answer to all these questions and many more like them is yes.
So what can we each do to overcome the inherent difficulty in finding and being ourselves? The first word that comes to my mind is, Explore. Take time to identify your talents and your interests. Then figure out what you can do with them to provide value to others.
If you are lucky you may find that what you are doing now is your thing. Congratulations! If not, keep searching. There is nothing more important in life than finding and doing that thing that makes you happy, and as a by-product that serves to help others be happier as well.
If you want to learn more, check out chapter 10, “Mission Finder” of my sAint Me?! book or Chapter 8, “What’s Your Game” of Playground Heaven, which provide a step-by-step process for finding your thing, your calling, your mission, your game, whatever you want to call it. I’m thinking of developing an on-line course that will walk you through the process as well. Let me know if you would find that useful.
In the meantime, here’s your challenge for the week. Identify one thing that you do which is not in line with your true self. To be more specific, pick a behavior that you dislike. Like maybe you are too agreeable to doing things you really don’t want to do. Or you go along to get along too often.
Whatever it is, choose something that you want to change, that is not in line with how you really want to act. Then do what you really want to do next time you encounter that situation. It will take some courage and maybe a leap of faith that things will turn out okay. But you know you can do it, and you know you should do it to be yourself. If you don’t, who else will?
Here’s to living a dog’s life by being who you were meant to be:-) Scott
Coming soon – The Summer Olympics Games! Having something to look forward to always helps in maintaining our happiness.
Watching the Olympics reminds me of the greatness we are all capable of achieving. Not necessarily in sports, but in playing your game in life. You know, the thing you are good at and that you spend most of your time doing. That thing that you do for the world to make it a better place.
Anyway, there are always a few truly amazing and memorable moments at every Olympics. One in particular has stuck with me. It occurred at the 1996 summer Olympic games during the women’s team gymnastics competition.
Team USA was narrowly leading Russia going into their final event, the vault. The next to last American gymnast to perform fell during both of her vaults, putting enormous pressure on 19-year-old Karri Strug to secure the gold medal.
Imagine being in that position. You have worked your whole life for this one moment to arrive. Now with tens of millions of people watching, you finally get your chance to fulfill your lifelong dream of being a gold medal winner. And not just for yourself, but for your team and the entire nation.
To add to the drama, Kerri fell on her first vault attempt and injured her left ankle. She didn’t know it at the time, but she had torn two ligaments. Thankfully she had one more chance. She limped all the way back to the start of the runway, prepared for her final vault, and heard her coach, Bela Karolyi shouting: “Kerri, you can do it! You can do it! You can do it!”
With a tear rolling down her cheek Kerri ran, flipped and twisted, and executed a nearly-perfect landing on both feet. She then immediately lifted the left foot and hopped on the right as she took her post-routine bows. Then she fell to her knees in pain. She had done it, she sealed the win and gold medal for team USA! It gives me the happy shivers and makes me smile every time I watch it. You can view the minute-long version here.
When asked about her coach’s words of encouragement Karri said, “I think it’s kind of strange that being the best gymnastics coach in the world, that’s all he came up with. But in a competition, when he’s really excited and being positive… you’re like, yeah, you’re right, I can do this, and I will do this.” She did do it!
I think of one word when I look back on that moment, Courage. And when I need a little en-courage-ment to do something I know I can and should do, I think of the simple phrase that worked for Karri: “You Can Do It!” I actually hear it in the voice and unique accent of Coach Bela Karolyi. Here’s a 7 second version of that if you’re interested.
If you think about it, it takes courage to do everything in life that is worthwhile. Figuring out what you are good at and pursuing it to the absolute best of your ability. Finding the love of your life and committing to that one person for the rest of your life. Being a parent most definitely takes courage.
Earlier in this series we talked about the 7 heavenly virtues (Charity, Kindness, Patience, Chastity, Temperance, Diligence, and Humility) that we can use to battle the 7 deadly sins in order to live our best and happiest life. I think we need to add Courage to the virtue list.
C.S. Lewis said that “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” I think that means we need courage to have any chance at consistently living out the seven heavenly virtues.
It also takes courage to overcome our doubts and fears. We must acknowledge those doubts and fears, face them head-on, and take action to push through them. Courage requires thoughtful action, to do something, or maybe even to not do something you would like to do in reaction to a situation. Yeah, it gets complicated sometimes.
So how do we build our courage? First, recognize you are already a courageous person, just like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard told him that he was a “victim of disorganized thinking,” reminded him of all the courageous things he had done on their journey, and gave him a ‘Courage” medal. Instantly the lion felt courageous.
We can do the same. So much of our fear is a result of our own disorganized thinking. We think about fear of failure instead of the opportunity for success. We talk ourselves out of doing things we know we should do. We care too much about what others think and too little about what we could do for others.
Courage is an inside job. It requires us to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to face our fears, to make tough decisions, and to take action. Others can encourage us, but no one can help us move from fear to courage except ourselves.
I ask myself these questions when faced with a doubt or fear:
I usually discover that the worst is not as bad as the best is good, and that my ability to make the best happen is more likely than the worst occurring. I use the motivation of the best to overcome the fear of the worst. Try it.
Here’s your challenge for the week. Identify one of your fears. Pick something small in the scheme of life. I chose dancing. I realized after writing about taking a leap of faith last week that the first step in taking that leap is courage.
That became obvious when the moment of truth arrived and I tried to back out of dancing with Melanie on our 40th wedding anniversary last weekend. Thankfully she en-courage-d me, or maybe more accurately shamed me into it. I’ll post the video in the Playground Heaven Living Facebook Group later today.
Anyway, first visualize yourself facing your fear and successfully overcoming it. See it in detail and see it often. Then when you actually face that fear, you will already know you can overcome it.
Relax, close your eyes, imagine a situation, be courageous, and win. Your imagination is a powerful tool. It doesn’t cost a thing and is always available for your use. You can use it to cause fear and failure, or courage and success, your choice.
Now take action. The best way to become a courageous person is to act like a courageous person. You have already conquered your fear in your mind, now make it happen live. Nothing changes until we face the thing we fear. Don’t wait; act now.
You must get outside of your comfort zone and take action. It is the only way, there is no shortcut, sorry. But great news, overcoming a fear results in instant happiness and confidence that you can do the same with all your other doubts and fears.
Here’s a last little tip to feeling more courageous. Try this. Slouch, frown, and take fast short breaths for a while. How do you feel? Now stand up tall, smile, and take slow deep breaths. Now how do you feel? I bet you feel more relaxed, confident, and courageous doing the latter. You can do this anytime to be that brave person you know you are.
You Can Do It! Scott
2020 is a leap year, we get an extra day of happiness:-) It happens this Saturday, February 29. Do you know why? I didn’t, but do now. Here’s what I found out.
A leap year occurs every four years to help synchronize the calendar year with the solar year, the length of time it takes the earth to complete its orbit around the sun, which is about 365¼ days. If we didn’t add a day to our calendars, the seasons would gradually shift from their traditional time-frame causing us to have Christmas in July for instance.
And get this, the length of the solar year is actually 11 minutes and 14 seconds less than 365¼ days. To compensate for this, a leap day is not added in a century year unless it is evenly divisible by 400. So the year 2000 was a leap year, but 2100 won’t be.
Hey, why is it called a “leap” year anyway? Because each date on the calendar jumps ahead two days of the week instead of one in a leap year. For example: Christmas in 2018 was on Tuesday, last Christmas was on Wednesday, and Christmas this leap year will be on Friday. Interesting, now we know.
Leap years are special for Melanie and me since we were married on February 29, 1980. This year is our 40th or 10th anniversary depending on how you look at it. Melanie counts it as both and expects the traditional gift associated with each number. So this year she is expecting a ruby or something red for 40 years, and something made of tin/aluminum for 10. Which do you think she would like better?
As a person who has basically never been camping, and who doesn’t like the inconvenience of travel in the first place, buying a travel trailer would be a real leap of faith for me. Faith that it would be fun and that I could handle all the responsibilities that go along with that lifestyle.
For Melanie it would be one small step, but for me it would be one giant leap. Maybe that would be a good thing. But right now I’m in a look before you leap mindset. I want to do it for Melanie, but I have doubts and fears that are holding me back from making that commitment.
Looking back, we should have had doubts and fears about getting married at age 20 as juniors in college. But we had none. Were we too young and naïve to know any better? Probably. But we somehow just knew it was the right thing to do and that everything would work out for the best. It has. Were we right, lucky, or just stubborn enough to make it so? Probably all of the above.
As we age we seem to lose our leap of faith capacity. We do all sorts of crazy things as kids and young adults with no fear. We are blind to risks. We seek freedom and fun and don’t think much past the desired activity to evaluate all the potential consequences of our actions. We see the fun and never the potential risks. Sometimes that is good, and other times not so much.
Somewhere along the way, like in our 30’s, there is a tipping point where we transition from wild abandon, to abandoning the wild thinking. It occurs when we realize we have something to lose. We are solely focused on winning in our younger years. Winning a job and promotions. Winning the spouse of our dreams. “Winning” a home, car, and all the stuff we think we need to be happy.
Then one day we realize we have a lot to lose and we go into protection mode. We start protecting our lead. That spells trouble. Instead of continuing to play to win, we begin playing not to lose. By winning I mean getting better, growing, advancing. Basically, continually striving to make the world a better place. That is winning. All else is losing.
We lose when we let our fears and doubts win, when we continually focus on the downside risk over the upside potential rewards. We get skeptical. We think too much and do too little. We usually talk ourselves out of something rather than in to it. Inaction is so much safer. We value our safety and security over all else. We worry too much and dream too little. In the process, we tend to lose our ability to laugh and have fun. We might be happy, but we could be happier.
With all of this in mind, here’s our challenge for the week. Take a leap of faith. Do something that you know you should do, but that your doubts and fears have been preventing you from actually doing.
Think about your list of woulda, coulda, shoulda’s. Your “I wish I would have’s.” Your “I always wanted to, or someday I will’s.” Pick one thing and just do it. No more thinking about the reasons not to. No more risk reward calculations. No more pro and con thinking. Just make it happen, whatever it is. Get over yourself, have no fear, and get it done.
Melanie and I are going to dance together on our anniversary. It is scary to think about. We have studied and practiced a little, but we are far from feeling ready. We are going to do it anyway. And we are going to have someone take a video that we will post next week for you to prove that we did. Really scary!
We challenge you to do the same. No, you don’t have to dance. But do that scary thing you have always wanted to do. Share with the Playground Heaven Living Facebook Group what you are going to do. Then do it, make a video, and share if you dare. We double dog dare you! Yeah, this is serious. You will be happy when you do:-)
Happiness lives on the other side of fear and doubt. You just have to believe and take that first step. Who knows, it may even be a defining moment in your life. It sure was for Melanie and me forty years ago.
To Your Ongoing Happiness, Scott